We Have No Secrets…

You never ever know what your kids take in and remember.  Sometimes you would swear they’re deaf and have amnesia about the most basic things – yet at other times it’s clear they have the memory of an elephant.  And usually the things they remember are things you wish they would forget!

Each week, my eight year old son has to write sentences for his vocabulary words.  He does this completely on his own unless he asks my opinion about whether a sentence makes sense or not.  He works on his own now because his teacher told us parents that she wants to see her students’ work, NOT how their parents correct it.  So they hand it in, mistakes and all.  Each Thursday night their homework is to take a practice test, so that is usually when I see his vocabulary list.

Last Thursday when I opened his notebook to find his list so that I could give him his practice test,  by chance the notebook opened to the page of his sentences.  My jaw dropped.  Literally.  For a moment I didn’t know how to react.  Then I laughed so hard I cried.  Real tears.  My stomach hurt from laughing.  Then I was horrified to realize his teacher had actually read these sentences.  Because the ones that made me cry with laughter also made me cringe,  since they were slightly revealing and actually happened.

Here are the sentences of interest.  I underlined the spelling words so you get an idea of how he thought of what to write.  I’ve also included the misspelling in the first sentence because that’s what MAKES it (if you get my drift).

1) My mom has a job as a breast. (Yep.  You read it correctly.  I am a breast.  Except he really meant “priest,” which indeed I am, although the title I prefer is pastor.  Pronounce the “ea” like “beat,” add the “r” and keep in mind my son still confuses the writing of “p’s” and “b’s” and there you go – my job as a body part!  Brilliant!)

2) My mom broke the computer by spilling wine on it. (Yep, happened last YEAR)

6) My stove caught on fire when my sister was trying to make mac and cheese. (well, ALMOST caught fire)

7) When the stove caught on fire, I thought it was really hot.

8) My mom said if you break the pot you are in big trouble.

So the teacher must think I’m a lush of a body part who lets my children cook and almost burn the house down, then yells at them they’ll get in big trouble if the pot breaks!  Lord have mercy.

The wine spilling on the computer happened a year ago (long and boring story, but please know I normally do NOT put liquids near the computer!).  The “mac & cheese incident” with my oldest daughter happened about TWO years ago.  Why in the world he chose these events of long ago (for an eight year old, two years is ancient history) for his sentences is beyond me.  He could’ve written about any of his broken toys, cooking dinner on the stove, summer being hot, or not touching pots on the stove – any number of things besides the events he actually chose, all in the same week.  And I might add, just a few days before my parent/teacher conference with his teacher.

All I can say is this – and take it as a warning –

you can never have secrets with kids in the house!

P.S. – The parent/teacher conference was great.  His teacher and I had a great laugh over my son’s creativity and memory.  And she told me he wasn’t the only student who brought up wine last week – another student came in, and as he was handing in his homework, explained to the teacher, “My mom spilled wine on my homework!”  Moms and their wine… <<<smile>>>

***The post title gives a nod to Carly Simon’s famous song “We Have No Secrets” 🙂

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