So I just spent two days in the hospital with my 19 year old daughter. It started with bringing her to the hospital after an unintentional overdose of prescription medication for depression and anxiety. It’s a VERY long story which is hers to tell, not mine, so I won’t go into details, but it’s enough to say we’re all convinced it wasn’t a suicide attempt, just really poor decision making (you know the kind that says, “if I just take more I’ll feel better.”) Anyway…
I won’t tell her story, but I WILL tell mine. Her college roommate called, and we decided my husband would stay home with our other children (one of the pitfalls to having no family nearby) and I would go to the hospital emergency room. It turned out she needed to be admitted because she had a slightly abnormal heart rhythm, which was the result of all the medication in her system, and she couldn’t be released until all returned to normal and she had a psych consult. Another new development in her life is the diagnosis of temporal lobe epilepsy, which we haven’t even started treatment for (she was diagnosed in late April, and since the side effects of those medications can be fatigue and lethargy we decided to wait till she was done with final papers and exams). So… here’s the memory lane part…
We took her (our 19 year old firstborn) to the same hospital where we had taken her younger sister (our 2nd born) for all kinds of testing a long time ago before we had the autism diagnosis. One of the concerns we had for our 2nd born then was seizures. She exhibited some strange behaviors that were very much like seizures, so we were at this hospital with her for a 2 day EEG, which in the end came out clean. But the process was a nightmare which you can read about here.
After a few hours getting her stable in the Emergency Room a nurse came to transport her up to the cardiac unit where they would monitor her heart for at least twelve hours. After getting out of the elevator and making a few turns we started down a hall and I saw a sign on a door that said “Epilepsy Treatment Room.” Then I remembered that the last time I was in this place (14 years ago) the Epilepsy Unit and the Cardiac Unit were next to each other, and some rooms overlapped. I started to feel a little weird. Then the nurse wheeled my daughter towards the room in the corner – THE ROOM IN THE CORNER. NO LIE – the exact same room I was in with her younger sister 14 years ago. THE SAME ROOM. All the awful memories of that experience (along with a few sweet ones) came flooding back. If I hadn’t been running on adrenaline from being up most of the night in the E.R. and worrying about my firstborn I probably would’ve broken down right there. THE SAME ROOM 14 years apart, worried sick, with each of my precious daughters. The only difference was this time there was no roommate and we had the window bed.
I don’t believe God is setting us up when things like this happen. But I’m wondering what I can take from it. I mean, what an unbelievable “coincidence” – to be in the same room 14 years apart for very different reasons. But there was one similarity – the seizures. We thought our 2nd born might be having them but she wasn’t. Our 1st born does, so it turned out she was in the perfect place to watch her heart and just in case she had a seizure too (which she didn’t, at least not that we know of). I’m sure there must be something for me to learn here – I just don’t know what it is yet.
Obviously first on our list is making sure our 19 year old is ok. We have a discharge plan to follow, and have to move her out of her dorm after a successful first year of college – she LOVES her school, loves the city, has made a lot of friends, LOVES her roommate (who really is an angel) and is doing very well academically. She finished her last final online from her hospital bed, not wanting to put it off – that’s how badass she is (which can be good or bad, depending on the circumstances). So she’s done, we just have to pack her up and move her home for the summer. I’m relieved to have her where I can see her for a little while, especially as she starts treatment for the seizures.
Parenting has moments of unmitigated joy – and utter terror. In the past few days I have lived through one terrifying event, and re-lived another. I’m still trying to process…